1. |
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mustard stains, cum stains, and tear stains
on my sheets and on my favorite dress
empty wrappers from old boxes
of those dollar store chocolates
that you smelled like the day we first met
it's the first time you've stayed over in a while
second time as exes that we've kissed
and my wrists can barely move
when I'm done trying to prove
that your new girl can't make you feel like this
and I know I can't keep doing this but I don't wanna stop
when you walk out that door again I'm gonna start to sob
I'll text you in the morning like everything's alright
and we won't talk about the things we did last night
it's been a bit, I think we're back together
that girl's gone and you're back here in my bed
I'm not sure what we've got going
but I'm better off not knowing
because asking only ever hurts my head
you give an answer saying you're not certain
but you sounded pretty certain yesterday
I'm still confused and reeling
when you ask me how I'm feeling
and I never quite remember what I say
and I know I can't keep doing this but I don't wanna stop
when you walk out that door again I'm gonna start to sob
I'll make breakfast in the morning like everything's alright
and we won't talk about the things we said last night
first time you've slept at your place in a while
a second chance to wallow in regrets
to feel more than I want to
and to drown myself in junk food
and to wonder why my room is still a mess
I've got mustard stains, cum stains, and tear stains
on my sheets and on your favorite dress
but jerking off and crying
won't get my mind off trying
to feel like the day we first met
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2. |
Christian Ska Show
01:56
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when I was a school boy
I was a youth group kid
who lived on watered down versions
of last year's trends
and the best day of my whole life to that point
I got to see my favorite ska band
my favorite ska band
skanking in the front row
was a girl with short pink hair
I did my best to keep dancing and
try not to stare
she had a rainbow pride pin and a golden cross
she looked just like an angel
like an angel
I didn't know what to call the way that I felt
I was falling in love at a Christian ska show
I could feel the devil getting into my heart
like "see that girl don't you wanna be her?
don't it just make you wanna fall apart?"
don't it just make you wanna fall apart?
don't it just make you wanna fall apart?
now I'm a punk rock girl
I've got my own band
and I'm kind of a heathen
but my birthday plan
is to go see this band that I liked as a kid
'cause they got back together
back together
and before the show starts
guess who I should see
a trans boy with pink hair smiling at me
he says "I think I saw you last time I was here
I wanted to look like you
look like you"
I guess in retrospect it was the moment I knew
I was falling in love at a Christian Ska show
I could feel the devil getting into my heart
like "see that boy don't you wanna be him?
don't it just make you wanna fall apart?*
don't it just make you wanna fall apart?
don't it just make you wanna fall apart?
now we're falling in love at a Christian Ska Show
we got each other's numbers and a promising start
we kissed in the back like "text me tomorrow"
don't it just make you wanna fall apart?
don't it just make you wanna fall apart?
don't it just make you wanna fall apart?
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3. |
Camgirl Blues
01:52
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working real hard, got your makeup on
got a cam show going and it's almost morning
guess that's life when you work from home
you're talking to people but you feel alone
been in bed for eight hours or so
but you haven't gotten any sleep
you take some pics to post for free
and most folks think that's all they need
and you wouldn't care about piracy
but for every dollar that you see
ten random guys will send you peen
and honestly you should get paid for that
camgirl blues
camgirl blues
it's what keeps you housed when rent is due
it's really not much worse than other jobs
the camgirl blues
can't remember just how long
since getting off was any fun
cause even when your shift is done
you still feel watched by everyone
and that kinda pressure to perform
seeps into everything you do
you call your girlfriend to complain
but you remember all the pain
of office jobs where the choice you made
was fall behind or do cocaine
and maybe this one's got you drained
but at least you set your own hours
camgirl blues
camgirl blues
it's what keeps you housed when rent is due
it's really not much worse than other jobs
the camgirl blues
camgirl blues
camgirl blues
til we abolish work it's what you do
it's really not much worse than other jobs
the camgirl blues
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4. |
Still Not Over You
01:23
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got a safety pin and pierced my ear
why don't I feel better?
infection's kinda got me scared
and I'm still not over you
dyed my hair to numb the pain
why don't I feel better?
my flannels all have bright pink stains
and I'm still not over you
my friends all say that I'll be fine
if I can only give it time
but I can't occupy my mind
with waiting, waiting, waiting
please just give me anything
to take my mind off wondering
where you are, what's happening
while I'm waiting, waiting, waiting
lost two weeks on a shitty fling
but I'm not feeling better
went by without me noticing
and I'm still not over you
maybe I'll just stay in bed
'cause I'm not feeling better
I'm kinda wishing I were dead
and I'm still not over you
my friends all say that I'll be fine
if I can only give it time
but I can't occupy my mind
with waiting, waiting, waiting
please just give me anything
to take my mind off wondering
where you are, what's happening
while I'm waiting, waiting, waiting
I dyed my hair and pierced my ear
why don't I feel better?
I wish I knew how not to care
but I'm still not over you
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5. |
Cope
02:41
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just de-bloc'd in an alley and picked up my phone
my hair smells like tear gas and I'm heading home
do you wanna come over? I'm sure that your night's been rough too
the dreams have been bad and I prob'bly need help
I'd honestly rather not sleep by myself
and it's been a while but I always felt better with you
if I need to stay grounded when things get real bad
I think of the way your hair feels in my hands
your rough binder fabric scraping my back
I could use a reminder of that
I know things haven't been great between us lately
but I'm still holding out hope
and I know it isn't super healthy
but do you wanna help me cope?
do you wanna help me cope?
sorry it's messy, don't mind the clothes
or the bottles for pills that got flushed weeks ago
l guess you know better than most, we all do what we can
if you want you can tell me what you're tryna forget
but look, if you wanna just get to the bit
where we're tearing into each other, I understand
we both wanna hurt and we wanna feel safe
we're scrambling for some familiar place
cause there's some kinds of normal we'll never get back
and I don't wanna think about that
I know things haven't been great between us lately
but I'm still holding out hope
and I know it isn't super healthy
but do you wanna help me cope?
do you wanna help me cope?
I can hear sirens I'm not sure are there
and whether they are I'm too shaky to care
maybe just hold me til they go away
and tell me that I'll be ok
I know things haven't been great between us lately
but I'm still holding out hope
and I know it isn't super healthy
but do you wanna help me cope?
do you wanna help me cope?
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6. |
Fireworks
01:10
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I tense up every time I hear fireworks
I got it better than some
I've seen grown men jump, look for cover and duck
Hoping that it isn't a gun
a flash bang or a gas grenade
I wonder why this is how we celebrate
when all it makes me feel is afraid
and sometimes when we fight it's like fireworks
something makes one of us jump
and it's nobody's fault that we don't know how to talk
about this shit until it blows up
'cuz I've got my traumas and you've got yours
and before we're both crying on the kitchen floor
how can we not do this anymore?
cuz it sucks realizing I'm covering my face
waiting for a hit that's not on its way
but it hurts more realizing you're doing the same
and I don't want to have to hear anymore fireworks
and I don't want you to have to hear anymore fireworks
and I love you but we've got shit to figure out
and maybe we should separate and go work on ourselves
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7. |
Go Tell Your Boyfriend
02:33
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oh my love, that boy you're seeing
I know you've seen him longer than me
it's not my place but the way he treats you
it's hard to watch and not hard to see
he cancels plans, then sees his new boy
he makes you cancel when you've got dates
gets way too drunk and ruins parties
says there's just too much on his plate
you should
go tell your boyfriend start treating you right
or I don't think I can do this anymore
I don't wanna break up, don't wanna start a fight
but I can't be complicit, life's too short
how long's it been since you were happy
and not just worn out to your bones?
how long since you really believed when
he told you when he'd be home?
look he's my friend, I'm not excited
to have to tell you I've seen enough
I know you're tired of poly drama
but there's a reason you've had so much
you should
go tell your boyfriend start treating you right
or I don't think I can do this anymore
I don't wanna break up, don't wanna start a fight
but I can't be complicit, life's too short
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8. |
Learn To Like It Here
02:09
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tryna learn to live for the little things
I don't mean to sound too self help
I'm honestly just making lists of
all the reasons not to kill myself
there's always an album that I gotta finish
another game that I gotta write
wanna read the next Neon Yang book
got a date in a couple nights
and I don't really know if things will get better
or if they did what I would even do
but I've got a couple things that make me feel better
just enough to keep trying me to
cause if I can just stay strong enough for long enough then maybe
I could kinda learn to like it here
'cause it's not like I'm ungrateful for this world and all it gave me
I really want to learn to like it here
I really want to learn to like it here
tryna learn to live for my friends a bit
the people I don't wanna hurt like that
a weary smile when I thought I couldn't
late night coffee when I'm feeling sad
and they have problems just like my problems
they need people there who understand
they deserve somebody better
but I do the best I can
I don't really know if things will get better
or if they did what I would even do
but if I can just make someone feel a bit better
well that's a reason to keep trying too
cause if we can just stay strong enough for long enough then maybe
we could kinda learn to like it here
and I hope you know I'm grateful for my friends and all you gave me
I really want to learn to like it here
I really want to learn to like it here
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9. |
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Baby, we can talk all night
But that ain't getting us nowhere
I told you everything I possibly can
There's nothing left inside of here
And maybe you can cry all night
But ain't gonna change the way that I feel
The snow is really piling up outside
I wish you wouldn't make me leave here
I poured it on and I poured it out
I tried to show you just how much I care
I'm tired of words and I'm too hoarse to shout
But you've been cold to me so long
I'm cryin' icicles instead of tears
And all I can do is keep on tellin' you
I want you, I need you
But there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you
Now don't be sad
Cause two out of three ain't bad
You'll never find your gold on a sandy beach
You'll never drill for oil on a city street
I know you're lookin' for a ruby in a mountain of rocks
But there ain't no Coupe de Ville hidin'
At the bottom of a Cracker Jack box
I can't lie, I can't tell you that I'm somethin' I'm not
No matter how I try, I'll never be able
To give you somethin' that I just haven't got
Well, there's only one girl that I will ever love
And that was so many years ago
And though I'll never never get her out of my heart
She never loved me back, I know
Well, I remember how she left me on a stormy night
She kissed me and got out of our bed
I pleaded and I begged her not to walk out that door
But she packed her bags and turned right away
And she kept on tellin' me
And she kept on tellin' me
I want you, I need you
But there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you
Now don't be sad, cause two out of three ain't bad
Baby, we can talk all night
But that ain't getting us nowhere
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10. |
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the day after I was arrested
as I stumbled home unrested
a judge's campaign waved from the street
and I wanted to curse back
but it was too much to do that
mostly I just needed something to eat
I went and got my phone next
I had a hundred new texts
I guess word had got to my friends
and I wanted to text back
but it was too much to do that
I mostly just wanted my bed back again
and tonight there's an action
and I want to jump back in
but I wonder if that's the smart thing to do
because I'm sad then I'm manic
and I start to panic
if I even close the door in my room
so I'm writing this now
because I don't know how
to start to feel normal somewhere
I just want to lay back
but it's too much to do that
because everything still is on fire out there
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Garlic Bread & Roses Washington
queer country folk trash
we strive for earnestness first,
catchiness second,
and everything else a distant third
Garlic Bread & Roses recommends:
Vignettes from the New American Frontier
by LCS
Steph played banjo on a little electro sea shanty here give it a listen
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